Confucious say...

I am a virgin to this...
...Ok! So, this is my first time writing in this thing. I think I prefer Xanga much more than I do this, but my friend Cesar told me to get an online journal. The lazy ass should really look into posting blogs on myspace. I like things that are all combined into one. I think the blog entries for myspace are really confusing. Well, anyways I write like I am talking outloud. I guess that was the only way I learned how to write. My first big day is tomorrow at school. I should be really excited and I am, but I think I should be a little more excited than I am. I really think I am just scared. I am scared that I will run out of ideas to be creative or I will not be as good as I thought I could be. I never was the one to have much faith in my work or be confident when it comes to me artistic. It's not to say that I can't be creative... I just think I was never pushed to do great things with my ideas. I believe this is the reason why I am double majoring a this school. Doing Graphic and Fashion Design. I think I will focus more on my individuality artistic ability as oppose to being the best. I realized when I was at Gainesville college I was always trying to be the best, but I realized in art that you should focus more on your own art and express yourself... not try to be like anyone else. I will seriously have to learn not to be like everyone in my art. I have here recently started dressing and designing things the way I want them to look. I envision these images in my head and I am learning now how to make them come to life. Kinda funky but I am seriously glad I am more comfortable with who I am sexually and it makes a tremendous difference in my life. I am just ready for a boyfriend. A real one! Not just one that is there to help me sexually but one that can push me to be the best and be an inspiration. I havn't even had a boyfriend since I have came out. It isn't about the sex to me... it is the emotional attachment I need. I have just noticed that not many gay boys want a boyfriend for the emotional side but for the sexual side. Speaking of boys... I am starting to think that not many of them like me, or the ones I would like to like me. I am not giving up but I am just sitting here waiting for someone special... not just anyone. I think I deserve someone good. I believe everyone is entitled to someone awesome. I am just tired of all the fake facades that the gay world puts out. I seriously wish people could break loose and be themselves. I know when you do break loose you feel ten times more stronger and full of energy. Hell what am I talking about? I am sure I have lost all of my readers by now. Well, I just want all my close friends to know that I love you and you will are always in my thoughts and I care about you with my big heart. Love you all.
Case

Current Mood: calm

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